


Vanity Secrets

by soul_writerr



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Happy Ending, Light Angst, Lipstick & Lip Gloss, M/M, Makeup, Misunderstandings, Secrets, Supportive Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:53:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22532032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soul_writerr/pseuds/soul_writerr
Summary: “Could you explain it to me?,” Rafael smiled softly.Sonny thought about it for a moment, picking up one of the lipsticks and twirling it in his hand. “Some people meditate, some people do yoga, others read or do puzzles. I do my makeup.”
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 14
Kudos: 65
Collections: Barisi Valentine Prompt Challenge 2020





	Vanity Secrets

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sure none of you are surprised to see that I had something to write for the prompt "lipstick", but I gotta say I was surprised by how this turned out. 
> 
> I hope you like it!

Rafael hadn’t expect his night to take such a devastating turn when he’d let himself inside Sonny’s apartment, excited to surprise his boyfriend of five months. They were definitely still going through the honeymoon phase of their relationship -- or so Rafael thought.

It’d been an innocent search for their preferred bottle of lube - the big one with a pump. Rafael had seen it just two nights ago; of course he’d been distracted, Sonny’s mouth all over him had that effect, but he knew that it was in the top drawer of Sonny’s bedside table.

When he opened it, however, he only spotted the small squeeze tube of lube they kept around for emergencies, so he opened the second drawer, and his heart stopped. A gold tube of lipstick had rolled from the back of the drawer, loud and sparkly.

Rafael picked it up with shaky fingers, a heavy weight settling in his heart. His mind immediately went to a very dark place, but he tried to rationalize it. Could it be Bella’s? Could it be Gina’s? Theresa’s? Had Sonny forgotten to tell him one of his sisters had visited? Or even maybe his older niece?

He shook his head, shoulders sagging. They’d been together every night the past two weeks, either at Rafael’s place or here, and he couldn’t pinpoint a moment where Sonny would have had the time to receive a visit from one of the many women in his life, or anyone else, really.

So Rafael considered that maybe he wouldn’t have found time to cheat, either. But where the hell had that lipstick come from? It was clearly used, the bullet halfway down and the lid lightly scratched at the top. It was a peachy pink color that he couldn’t remember the Carisi sisters ever wearing.

The longer he looked at the lipstick the harder it became for him to hold on to the image he had of Sonny. Suddenly the cheery, eager, kind detective seemed too out of reach, too good to be true. 

And Rafael felt like an idiot. Had he missed any signs? He tried to search through his brain, remembering the last few weeks, but all that came to mind were Sonny’s bright smiles, his twinkling eyes and the sweet kisses that followed his loving words.

Everything seemed to be going so well, Rafael just felt so happy, like he had finally found  _ the one _ , and now here he was, sitting on the floor with evidence that his happiness had an expiration date, like so many other times before.

Rafael had no idea how long he sat there for, but when he heard the front door open, he immediately got up and pulled himself together. They were going to talk about this and he hoped, with everything in him, that there was a plausible explanation for Sonny hiding a lipstick in his drawer.

He listened to Sonny locking the door, followed by the thump of his messenger bag being put down. Then there was the sound of his steps, coming towards the bedroom, and soon he was at the door, smiling at Rafael, immediately reaching for him.

“Hey, I’m so happy you’re here,” he said. “I’ve been thinking about you all day. I hope you can stay the whole weekend because I was thinking we could sleep in tomorrow than go for brunch at that place you like.”

Sonny pulled Rafael into his arms, but he resisted and took a few steps back, away from Sonny. He crossed his arms, and the lipstick was burning a hole in his hand.

“Is everything okay?,” Sonny asked, frowning. “You look tense. Did something happen with the case?”

Rafael took a breath, the opened his hand. “I found this.” 

He watched as Sonny registered what it was, and the shock on his face was clear. His jaw dropped slightly, and he looked somewhat scared. Rafael absolutely hated it.

“You went through my things?,” Sonny asked, looking at Rafael with hurt in his eyes.

“I was looking for the bottle of lube,” Rafael said, throwing the lipstick on the bed. “I wanted to surprise you, because I missed you. So would you mind telling me who that belongs to?”

Sonny seemed to sag then, sitting on the bed with his shoulders slumped. He still looked between a mix of shocked and scared, eyes wide, and Rafael hated that he wasn’t even trying to defend himself. He sat there looking at the floor like he’d just heard some tragic news.

“You can’t even look at me, can you?,” Rafael scoffed, crossing his arms again. He shook his head. “I thought I at least deserved to hear the truth from you, but I guess I shouldn’t expect much from a cheater.”

“I didn’t cheat!,” Sonny looked up at him. “Is that what you think of me? Do you really think I’d  _ cheat  _ on you?”

The immediate answer to that was no, which was why it hurt so much.

“I don’t know what to think, Sonny!,” Rafael said, but his voice broke halfway through. “I asked you a simple question and you can’t give me a straight answer. You can’t even not look guilty!” 

“It doesn’t belong to anybody!,” Sonny threw his hands up, frustrated.

“A worn lipstick just magically appeared in your drawer?,” Rafael let out a humourless laugh. “Go back to not saying anything, please, because that’s better than you acting like I’m stupid.”

Sonny mumbled something under his breath, and Rafael looked up at the ceiling for a moment before letting out a long sigh.

“Care to say that again?,” he asked, impatient.

“I said the lipstick is mine,” Sonny repeated, his voice weak and quiet. “It’s mine, I bought it, I use it, I just normally do a better job at hiding it.” 

Rafael looked at him, surprised. Of all the scenarios he had pictured, the lipstick actually being Sonny’s definitely wasn’t one of them. 

Without sparing him a look, Sonny pulled out his phone and, after a few clicks, turned the screen towards Rafael. He was immediately faced with a picture of Sonny in a full face of makeup, wearing the exact shade of lipstick Rafael had found. He looked absolutely stunning.

After a few seconds of heavy silence, Sonny locked and pocketed his phone again.

“Please don’t say anything about it, Rafael,” Sonny pleaded, still looking at the floor. “I’ve heard every vile thing under the sun for wearing makeup, but I can’t take it from you. So if you’re gonna leave, just leave without saying anything.”

“I’m not going to leave,” Rafael heard himself say, and when Sonny looked at him, there was hope mixed with fear on his beautiful face. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Sonny shook his head. “I love you too much, and I fell for you too fast. I couldn’t bare the thought of you breaking up with me if you ever found out.” 

Rafael took a seat beside him, his heart breaking for the pain on Sonny’s face. “I wouldn’t break up with you for that, Sonny.”

He scoffed, shaking his head. “Everybody else did.” 

If his heart was in shambles before, the way that Sonny said that, resigned and quiet, solidified the rock that’d just dropped inside his chest. Rafael took Sonny’s hand in his and let his thumb run over his knuckles for a while, just enjoying the connection.

“I’m not going to break up with you,” Rafael said after a moment.

Sonny looked at him, serious. “I’m still going to wear makeup.” 

“And that’s perfectly okay,” he nodded. “I would like to see you with it.”

“Why?,” Sonny tilted his head, curious.

“Because you look beautiful,” Rafael smiled, squeezing his hand. “And I don’t want you to hide from me.”

Sonny managed to smile back, then looked down at their intertwined hands. “You don’t think it’s weird?”

“Do you think it’s weird that I match my socks to my underwear?,” he asked jokingly, and Sonny finally seemed to relax. “It’s something you enjoy, it makes you feel good, and I respect that.”

“Thank you,” Sonny said, relieved. “I was so scared that you were going to hate me when you found out.”

“Because I’m such an upstanding member of the toxic masculinity club?,” Rafael shook his head. “You didn’t really think I’d have a problem with it, did you?”

“Was your first reaction to seeing that lipstick thinking that I cheated on you?,” Sonny asked, but not accusingly. 

He nodded in understanding. “I guess we’ve got some things to work out.”

“Maybe we do,” Sonny turned to him with a soft smile. “But we’ll work it out together, yeah?”

Rafael smiled back, reached for the discarded lipstick and handed it back to Sonny. “Yeah.”

* * *

A few days later, Rafael was at Sonny’s door with a package in hand. He’d taken the gift out of its original bag and wrapped it in blue wrapping paper with gold polka dots. The bag was too on-the-nose, and he wanted to surprise his boyfriend.

He walked into the Detective’s apartment to find him in the kitchen, two plates on the counter waiting to be filled. 

“Hey,” Rafael greeted as he walked in, and Sonny turned to him with the same blinding smile he always had ready for Rafael.

“There you are,” he said, pulling Rafael into him and kissing him breathless. “You’re right on time, dinner’s ready.” 

Rafael hummed, pleased. “And it smells heavenly. But first, I have something for you,” he said, and offered Sonny the package. 

Sonny immediately looked curious, and it was so endearing to see Rafael couldn’t help but smile as he examined the package before ripping the paper enthusiastically.

“What’s the occasion?,” Sonny asked.

Rafael shrugged. “I saw it and thought you might like it.”

When Sonny saw what it was, his whole face lit up. “Dior? Holy shit, Rafael.”

It was a Dior beauty vault, as the Sephora employee had told him, containing two lipsticks, a lipgloss and a lip pencil. The nice lady at the store had told him all the ways Sonny could wear it -- one lipstick on top of the other, a lipstick and the lipgloss, the lip pencil and a lipstick plus the lip gloss. Rafael’s head had spinned at the never-ending list of possibilities, so he bought it. 

“This must have cost a fortune,” Sonny said, but he was already opening the box to pull out the products.

Rafael watched, amused, as Sonny tested the colors on the back of his hand, ooh-ing and aah-ing all the way through. His eyes were sparkling, his cheeks were pink, and he couldn’t stop smiling. It was the most beautiful thing Rafael had ever seen. 

“You didn’t have to,” he looked up, hand full of swatches. “You don’t have to feel guilty anymore, Raf.”

Rafael shifted from one foot to the other. “I shouldn’t have assumed.” 

Sonny shook his head. “Rafael, if I found a lipstick in your drawer I’d have some questions, too,” he chuckled. “And that’s coming from me, someone with a whole collection. I’m sorry I wasn’t honest with you from the beginning.”

“You don’t owe me anything, Sonny.”

“But I do,” he said fiercely. “I owe you not to hurt you, and I know it hurt you to find that lipstick.”

“I don’t hold it against you,” Rafael stepped closer to him and took his hand, looking at the swatches as he squeezed his fingers. “I understand why you didn’t tell me before. I can’t imagine that your interest in makeup has always been received well.” 

“It never was,” Sonny admitted with a shaky sigh. “Well, except for my one girlfriend who had a drag queen fetish.”

Rafael grimaced. “Oh, no.”

“Yeah, it was bad,” Sonny laughed, shaking his head. “She bought me wigs and dresses and everything. It was very uncomfortable.”

“She didn’t understand what it was about,” he smiled softly. “Could you explain it to me?” 

Sonny thought about it for a moment, picking up one of the lipsticks and twirling it in his hand. “Some people meditate, some people do yoga, others read or do puzzles, I do my makeup.”

“So it’s therapeutic,” Rafael nodded. “Like painting.”

Sonny looked at him, perking up. “I guess it is kinda like painting.”

“Do you wear it out?”

“To clubs and pubs, sometimes,” Sonny shrugged. “But mostly just around the house. It’s not really about showing off.”

“Well, that’s one thing you and I do not have in common,” Rafael joked. “Do you want to try those on?”

Sonny considered it, then picked up both lipsticks, opened it and rolled the bullet all the way out. He held it up to Rafael’s line of sight and smiled.

“Pick one,” he said. 

One shade was more of a light brown and the other was a light pink, and Rafael didn’t even had to think too long. “This one,” he said, pointing at the pink shade.

“Alright,” Sonny set the brown shade down and picked up the lip gloss. “Lip gloss or no lip gloss?”

“Yes, lip gloss,” Rafael nodded.

Sonny beamed. “I’ll be right back.”

Rafael laughed lightly as Sonny all but ran towards the bathroom, then took the opportunity to peek at what he’d been making for dinner. Unsurprisingly, there was a pan full of bolognese sauce and another one full of pasta. The sauce smelled delicious, and Rafael’s mouth immediately watered. 

“Here I am,” Sonny announced as he walked back. 

Sonny was always very  _ pouty _ but the lipstick paired with the lip gloss made his lips seemed even  _ poutier _ somehow, and Rafael was immediately obsessed. 

“That’s really pretty,” Rafael said as he stepped closer to his boyfriend, resting his hands on his hips. “Do you like it?”

“Yeah, yeah,” he smiled, and the glossy pink stretch of his lips was indeed pretty. “And the pigmentation is amazing. I was done in one slide!” 

“At that price point I was expecting it to talk to you and give you makeup classes,” Rafael smirked. “It looks very… wet.”

“It’s not sticky, though,” Sonny continued enthusiastically, smacking his lips together. “I think it’s really flattering, it makes my lips look fuller.”

Rafael leaned from one side to the other, his eyes never leaving Sonny’s lips. “I take it back, I hate it.”

“What?!,” Sonny gaped, offended. “Why?”

“Because I really want to kiss you, but I wouldn’t want to smudge it.”

Sonny gave him a look so filthy, Rafael shuddered. “Oh Raf, I don’t mind a few smudges.”

With that, he took Rafael’s mouth into a deep, very glossy kiss that had his toes curling inside his shoes. Sonny was right about two things, it really didn’t feel sticky and the pigmentation was truly phenomenal, because later that night Rafael found himself washing lipstick off his entire torso  _ and  _ his dick.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm someone who does a full face of makeup and stays home all day, then goes out with a clear face the next day. It's therapeutic for me, too. 
> 
> Let me know what you think!! <3 kudos are much appreciated, too


End file.
